773 Days

I’m Pregnant.

According to the doctor, I’m “very pregnant.”

The Sergeant and I have been waiting 773 days to hear those words and have that hope rise again.  25 months, 25 disappointments, 25 times where our dream seemed a little bit further away.

I have been on and off hormonal medications for over a year which has plummeted my self-confidence as my body has changed.  I have injected myself, slapped patches all over my body, and even made a surprise visit to the emergency room when I had an adverse reaction to a medication to dilate my cervix.  I have dealt with side effects from all these medications, including: fatigue, mood swings, acne, weight gain, and being even more tearful than normal.

We have spent thousands of dollars on infertility treatments that are not covered by our insurance and had to take out a loan to cover IVF.  I have spent more at the pharmacy in the last year than I have over the entire course of my life. 

I have been to our Reproductive Endocrinologist's office at least 40 times in the past year---for blood draws, vaginal ultrasounds, meetings to plan the next step, meetings with the nurse so she can show my husband how to poke a needle into my hip.  I could drive to our doc’s office with my eyes closed.

I have continued to live my already chaotic life, while constantly being reminded each day that I could not get pregnant.  Try staying “relaxed” and “stress free” when you are an Army wife (who is moving once again this summer), have a new dog with heartworm (a 4 month intensive treatment), and a busy work life.  It’s hard to get the laundry done when you are staring at another negative pregnancy test.

But do you know what makes it worth it? Hearing that you have a baby girl coming in November.

It’s difficult to describe this incomparable joy that I have been feeling since we received the results on Monday afternoon.  Imagine going to Disneyland mixed with a new puppy mixed with looking at your future husband as you walk down the aisle on your wedding day.  That’s what it feels like.

I know we still have a long road ahead.  I keep sending prayers up that this little one will stay tucked away until November. 

Because, guess what? Someone is going to hand me a baby!

The Waiting Game

Do you remember being a little kid and when Christmas was coming, the days seemed to get longer and longer? Or as an adult, counting down the days until a much needed vacation and time can’t seem to go by quickly enough?  Or waiting for anything that you are looking forward to and being absolutely sure that the clock is basically at a standstill? That’s how the two week wait is---the time between an embryo transfer (or fertilization) and finding out if you get a big positive blood test result.  That’s the window I am in right now and the days can’t pass quickly enough.

Last Friday, the Sergeant and I made another trip to the local hospital to do the final step for our IVF…the all important embryo transfer.  Per my usual, they had to do another trial procedure (which went smoothly) and then finally did the actual procedure (which took twice as long as it should have due to my complicated body).  That moment when they handed me an actual picture of our little embryo and then I saw the little teeny tiny white dot on the ultrasound screen…those moments were filled with such pure hope that my heart almost exploded (and of course, I cried my eyes out).

But after those big emotions and crazy physical shenanigans, the Sergeant and I were sent home to wait….and wait…and wait.  And these past 3 days seem like they have been the equivalent length of 3 weeks. 

Despite the really bad cold that snuck in as of yesterday and has knocked me on my butt, that hope I felt on Friday is still strong.  We have good odds and I serve a great God…I know we have a lot of people praying and rooting for us, which has been such an amazing boost during this emotionally crazy time and I continue to wholeheartedly appreciate all the support and kind words everyone has sent our way. 

One week…we have one more week.  Here’s praying 9 months from now I get handed that baby.