Not a lot of my pregnancy has taken me by surprise over the
past 6 months. I had assumed there would
be barfing (just not as much as I have had to put up with!). I knew I would cry more, pee more, sleep
less. I was pretty sure I would get
increasingly uncomfortable and that I would be obsessive about baby prepping.
I was taken by surprise, however, when I weighed myself
recently and burst into tears at the number on the scale.
Sure, I knew weight was a factor in pregnancy---isn’t that
supposed to be the best part? Being able to eat whatever your heart desires
with the excuse of growing a human inside your body? All the macaroni and
cheese, peach pie, and fried pickles that your pregnant heart desires with none
of the guilt.
And I always had assumed I would be one of those women that
reveled in growing a baby and saw every pound as “a blessing” and each stretch
mark as a badge of honor for growing a baby inside my body like a wonder woman.
To my surprise, that has not been the case.
The ever increasing number on the scale brings me anxiety
and as the number shoots higher, I find my self-esteem plummeting, even though
I am right in the normal range for being 24 weeks pregnant and very healthy
otherwise.
And you know what? That makes me sad. It makes me sad that I
have allowed myself to be so sensitized to my weight as a woman that I have corresponded
it to my beauty and worth. I’m sad that when the Sir tells me how beautiful I
look, I don’t entirely believe him. And most of all, it makes me sad because I
am not the only pregnant woman that has felt this way.
So this is my war cry and my call to pregnant women and
women who have been pregnant ---WE CANNOT ALLOW OURSELVES TO BELIEVE THE LIE
THAT OUR PREGNANT BODIES ARE NOT BEAUTIFUL. I believe that the Creator has
created us in His image…do we deny His beauty by denying our own?
We must choose and decide every single day that the weight
on the scale does not reflect our beauty, our intelligence, or our sass. That extra pounds are not a reflection of our
character or our kindness or compassion. That we are indeed wonder women and these extra pounds are helping keep a tiny human alive inside our bodies every single day.
Yes, I know this is something ALL of us have heard many times before, myself included, but is it something I have really let become ingrained in my heart? Clearly not. Is this easy? Nope. Will it be something I will have to pray
about every day, in some cases minute by minute, in order to change my mindset
and finally enjoy the growing body I have been blessed with? Definitely.
But I am determined to try, because this November, someone
is going to had me a baby girl. And I
want that little girl to know how absolutely gorgeous and stunning she is, no
matter what she weighs.
