Parenting during a deployment is hard. Parenting during deployment with a strong
willed, high needs dragon toddler seems nearly impossible.
There’s no way to sugarcoat it---it sucks balls.
Dragon has never been an easy kiddo to raise. She feels every emotion to an extreme level,
and that includes anger and frustration and sadness. She needs a constant combination of mental
AND physical stimulation and rarely can sit still for more than a few minutes
before she wanders off to find something that suits her fancy more than what
she’s currently doing. From the moment her little wide toddler feet hit the
ground in the morning, it is full speed ahead until bedtime with few stops in
between.
So running at 100MPH every day, all day, starts to wear a
person down, particularly when it is a mama that already has extra
responsibilities on her plate with the Sir being away. There is no one to hand off responsibility to
when Dragon is on her fifth tantrum since breakfast or when mama is in the
midst of another storm related migraine.
There is no one to tag in when you’re at the end of your rope.
And it is wearing on my heart. So often I end the day wishing I had done
more, been more, loved more. That I had
taken time to do another craft or made a more nutritious meal or stopped
folding the third load of laundry to read Cora’s favorite book another
round. I judge the time we spent at the
park versus the time we spent at the grocery store, the effort I put into
pulling the weeds versus creating chalk art in the driveway, the amount of my
day I spent disciplining versus snuggling.
And when I finish the calculations in my head, my sum as a mommy always
seems to fall short.
But, Praise God, He seems to remind me over and over that He
and Cora are not measuring me up to my own expectations. That God sees my heart, hears my prayers, and
is with me each step of this deployment journey. He speaks through my sweet encouraging
friends, who tell me I’m doing a good job and hug me when I have had a tough
morning as a mommy. He speaks through my husband, who manages to send me flowers from around the world to remind
me that the Sir sees my struggle and loves me all the same. He speaks through
my big headed dog, who somehow manages to know the exact moment his mom needs
him to jump on the bed so she can cry into his neck.
And my God reminds me through that tiny, feisty
dragon that her little eyes see a mommy that loves her to the tips of her fat
toes. When she successfully climbs a big
ladder at the park and immediately looks over to give me a big hammy grin. Or when she “helps” me pull the weeds amidst the rocks in the front yard and then comes over to put her dirty hands in mine as we go back
inside for lunch. Or after being
disciplined for what seems to me like the hundredth time just that day, she
brings me over her favorite book to read while we snuggle in the corner of the
couch.
Dragon sees what my heart intends as a mommy, and I pray
that someday, I can see it, too,
