It has been two years since I had to walk through the doors
of a reproductive endocrinologist’s office with the hopes that when I passed
through those doors on the way out, that we had been given hope. The last time I walked out our doctor’s
doors, I was nine weeks pregnant with the Dragon.
And now, I have an active two year old and a husband finally
home from deployment and we are about to start the process for baby #2 again,
because infertility doesn’t end even when you have a kid sleeping down the hall from you.
The Sir and I don’t have the luxury of having a brief
discussion about stopping birth control (which I haven’t been on in five years
anyway) with the hopes that we get pregnant just a few short months later. We don’t have accidental pregnancies or unexpected
surprises and there’s no ”let’s just see what happens” options when you have an
infertility diagnosis.
We have to have months of discussion about timing and his
availability to accompany me to doctor’s appointments on a work day or who’s
going to tame the Dragon while we’re gone.
We have to talk about how we are going to pay for this next round when
we haven’t even paid off the procedure that resulted in the Dragon. I have to get mentally and physically ready
to get back on the hormones that will be prescribed and go through all the uncomfortable,
and sometimes painful, procedures once again.
We have to be prepared for the fact that we only have one embryo left---one
last shot---and that there’s about a dozen steps that have to work out before
we even get a positive pregnancy test. We have to step out in faith and
surround ourselves in prayer to fight this battle one last time, to not lose
hope, to trust that God will remain sovereign in the midst of this once again.
I wish the Sir and I could share a bottle of wine on a
Saturday and have a good ol’ fashioned romp in the bedroom to make this baby,
rather than heading to the hospital and holding hands while a doctor inserts
this embryo. The first option is
definitely a lot more fun for both of us.
But for whatever reason, God has lead us down this
path. He was faithful and generous in
giving us our Dragon, and now we pray that He allows us to meet this little boy
that we have been waiting and praying for over the last two years.
So this Christmas, we ask that you send some prayers our way,
because we hope by next year, someone will be handing us another baby.
